Articles
Destroyed By Words
The wise writer reminds us of the danger of our words when he wrote, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21). With a word, we can inspire; with a word, we can destroy. The words we choose are often the difference between continued harmony and instant contention, division, and destruction. Simply put: Words matter!
James echoes the wise writer's proverb about the power of the tongue, and takes it a little further: “And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (Jas. 3:6-8). If we care at all about not being the cause of destroying relationships, division, or contention, let us pay close attention to James and to the wise writer, resolving to never be involved in the communication of those destructive words.
To help ensure we are not the cause of these destructive words, let us consider how our words can be destructive, why they destroy, and how to avoid such words.
Backbiting. Backbiting is a term used infrequently today, though the practice itself is still going strong. To gossip is "to talk idly, especially about the affairs of others," while backbiting is "to speak unfavorably or slanderously of a person who is not present." Do we really have to ask why is this so dangerous and destructive? Just in case you might still honestly not know, the wise writer also tells us, “The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue an angry countenance” (Prov. 25:23). In other words, backbiting is sure to make someone angry!
Slander. Inherent in backbiting is another sinful activity: slander — a purposeful attempt at destruction of one's reputation by a false and defamatory statement; in this case, it is done out of earshot of the one being slandered. And what does God think about slander? Hear His words:
“Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool” (Prov. 10:18). And the psalmist declares, “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy” (Psa. 101:5). In the New Testament, the one who would be a deacon must not have a wife who is a slanderer (1 Tim. 3:11; NASB, “malicious gossips”), and the older women are admonished to “be reverent in behavior, not slanderers” (Titus 2:3). If we stopped and thought about the one we become most like when slander [and, consequentially, backbiting] is practiced (cf. Job. 1:9-11; Zech. 3:1), I am sure we would do more than simply think twice; we would cease it immediately! Slander is a work of our spiritual enemy, and when brethren use it — especially towards their own brethren — it becomes the means of him weakening what should be a strong relationship. Let us not be guilty of aiding and abetting the enemy! Let not backbiting be found amongst us!
Especially within the brotherhood of God's people, backbiting or slander are practices that should simply not exist because of the purpose: destruction of the reputation of another. Who would want to be a part of a congregation where a known backbiter was also a part? And don't be deceived: If the backbiter will speak evil of others to you while they are not around, they will also speak evil of you to others when you aren't around.
Gossip. While gossip might seem tame or even harmless, compared to backbiting, let's go back to that definition: It is idle talk about the affairs of others. That being the case, we should first remember that Jesus once said, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:36, 37). Is that not enough reason to not be engaged in gossip?
But gossip is also a harm to the Lord's church because of what it is: talking about the affairs of others. It might be that the gossip is passing on the recent troubles of a brother or sister that has come to their attention; maybe it is a weakness communicated to them in confidence, and now the gossip just has to tell her closest friend…you know, just for advice or [as an excuse for their inability to keep it to themselves] "they just had to tell someone"; maybe it is talk about the financial troubles a brother relayed to the elders, and the gossip 'innocently' wonders about how it came about…out loud, of course, and with the warning, of course, to 'not pass it on to anyone else'; maybe it is the rumor [and partial truths] about a married couple who is having troubles at home.
It could be these things and many more, but stop and think about the destruction these 'innocent' words will cause! It will cause distrust amongst brethren because one cannot be trusted to keep confidential questions or statements confidential; it will cause unnecessary shame when it inevitably gets back to the one who spoke the words in confidence; it will cause anger [as noted earlier] and it will destroy friendships. A gossip [NKJV, “talebearer”] will cause strife (Prov. 26:20), and that is something not wanted amongst those who should otherwise be pursuing peace.
How Can We Avoid These Destructive Words? Did you notice a common thread running through all the destructive words? If you did not, then it is very possible you could engage in those destructive words and not even realize it! You see, what is missing in backbiting and slander and gossip is what would prevent any one of those types of words or all of those types of words from being ever spoken: love! What is lacking in one who backbites is love! What is lacking in one engaged in slander is love! What is lacking in the heart of the gossip is love! Do we see now the great harm that these words can cause because those words lack this simple ingredient of love?
Love, Paul wrote, is “kind” (1 Cor. 13:4), and one cannot say backbiting or slander or gossip are kind in nature or in practice. Love “does not envy” either, but the three above-mentioned sins of the tongue are all too often driven by envy. Love “does not behave rudely” (1 Cor. 13:5), but some of the rudest behavior and/or words come from the mouths of backbiters, slanderers, and gossips. Love “does not rejoice in iniquity” (1 Cor. 13:6), but many who indulge in backbiting, slander, and/or gossip sure seem to relish the experience. Without question love is lacking in these words.
If we desire to be a true brotherhood and spiritual family, then we must not practice, nor can we tolerate, backbiting, slander, or gossip; these things simply have no place amongst God's people, and when they do, destruction will inevitably be the result.
Instead of these hurtful, destructive words, let us speak words of love. Hear the apostle Paul on this when he said we should be “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15), when he said, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Eph. 4:29), and, “Let your speech always be with grace” (Col. 4:6). Let love be the motivation for what you say, if you just have to say something.
If we engage in destructive words, it will be to our own destruction. —— Steven Harper
